tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31692739103832698912024-02-18T19:20:48.574-08:00The Sojourner SpeaksThe Sojourner is on a temporal journey - seeking to share her thoughts and insights gleaned from living day to day. This is the Sojourner's space, to allow room for reflection so as to grow in the love of God and Christ.the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.comBlogger51125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-14153972497411014722017-02-16T13:58:00.001-08:002017-02-16T13:58:32.032-08:00The Art of Balancing Butterflies on Your Nose (or Not) This isn't one of those Zen posts that teach you How To Find Peace by Being Able to Balance Butterflies on Your Nose. Kind of like<br />
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Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.</div>
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Which, by the way, <a href="http://quoteinvestigator.com/2014/04/17/butterfly/">isn't a quote by Henry David Thoreau or Nathaniel Hawthorne</a>. <br />
<br />
But really, while the scene conjures images of lying on soft verdant grass on a blue sky day, trying our best not to giggle while a butterfly gently lands on our nose ...<br />
<br />
Think of the reality if you're squeamish and hate insects. Shoo Shoo Go Away Butterfly and a panicked frenzy ensues. Or instead of taking soft focus photos of yourself with spurious motivational quotes tacked on to post on Facebook and Instagram, you realise you hate the sun and grass poking at your back, and you think it's not worth the trouble to fish for more thumbs and heart emojis.<br />
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There's what seems, and then there's what is. The trick is knowing the difference and where you ought to be spending most of your time and attention.the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-43644029982644231632015-07-31T19:56:00.001-07:002015-07-31T19:56:33.427-07:00A Year's Worth of Updates - Runs/MinistryHallo everyone,<br />
<br />
It's been a year since I last logged in and wrote something here. *blows dust off*. Neglect aside, I am glad to have this virtual space to pen down my thoughts and feelings and update on where I am in my life at present.<br />
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<u>Runs</u><br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuFR7XbukZu7PqWSEVs02joDEqvLGa18Zu4nMRoQGkp11XUOOTJpqr57r8Fp21DROpHx_gLnpB0SSDnY5fxFflar-fduJXqBglKvqKqfS89bRsW3iPKofAZWrrbdU448brQHzYYVEu31Y/s1600/WP_001341.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuFR7XbukZu7PqWSEVs02joDEqvLGa18Zu4nMRoQGkp11XUOOTJpqr57r8Fp21DROpHx_gLnpB0SSDnY5fxFflar-fduJXqBglKvqKqfS89bRsW3iPKofAZWrrbdU448brQHzYYVEu31Y/s320/WP_001341.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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Post <a href="http://thesojournerspeaks.blogspot.com/2014/07/quick-updates-on-bim-session-with-fr.html">my first 10k in Kota Kinabalu (Borneo International Marathon) </a>, I have since completed the Standard Chartered 10K (KL), Newton Challenge 12K (Penang), Colour Run 5K (KL) and OSIM Sundown Half-Marathon 21.1K (SG), in many different ways.<br />
<br />
Some of the runs ended on a high note, and some ended in a mix of exhaustion and disappointment.<br />
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The Stand Chart one and OSIM Sundown half marathon stand out in my mind as moments of despair when I knew it would be almost impossible to meet the cut-off time and yet I pushed on. Reaching the finishing line did nothing for me, except to feel somewhat a failure even though I had managed to prevail to the very end. The cramps which I suffered in my 14th km during Sundown (only on my left leg. It must be much weaker than my right leg) reminded me I needed to put in much more mileage to accustom my legs to the full distance, although I realised the cramps only kicked in after a much greater distance from the first time I suffered from cramps after the Terry Fox run, which was only 5K back in December 2013. I m taking that as a sign of progress.<br />
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In contrast, the Newton Challenge was one of my triumphs in which I was well within the stipulated cut-off time. Running along Gurney as I watched the sun rise and playing hop, skip and jump along the pot-holed roads of Pulau Tikus was an amazing and unforgettable feeling. I jumped over uncovered drains and counted the number of pot holes which appeared and I ran like a headless chicken at traffic crossings. Early morning runs - the sunrise you enjoy makes up for the pain of leaving a comfortable bed.<br />
<br />
I am currently training for the Run for A Cause (RFAC) 10K at the upcoming Standard Chartered Marathon to raise funds for Hospis Malaysia. Why palliative care? Why Hospis Malaysia? While I believe in making the last days of those who are in pain dignified and with minimal suffering, I have chosen this cause to honour Dato' Sir Peter Mooney and my dearest grandmother, both who have made a difference in my life. The link to my RFACprofile is <a href="http://www.kl-marathon.com/charity/run-for-a-cause/runners-profile/2015/77445/#.Vbwvu_mqqko">here</a><br />
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<u>Ministry </u><br />
<u><br /></u>
After 7 years of being in Lifeline, I have finally called it quits and left.<br />
<br />
Whywhathowwhen? Burnout is the simplest reason, I reckon.<br />
<br />
So much to process. So much to deal with, when for 7 years I have given my heart, mind, strength to building up and forming the community, despite my own issues. It was the centre of my days and nights for a very long time.<br />
<br />
I wasn't perfect. I still am not. But what I leave behind cuts into me, makes me wonder am I even capable of loving again? Of caring? Or being with others whose brokenness wounds me and me wounding others in my incomplete self? I was talked down to, laughed at, seen as an emotional trainwreck, judged as incompetent and incapable (who the hell comes up with these metrics anyway?) and finally and ultimately rejected. If tomorrow I appeared before Him, all I can say is<i> I tried my best. </i><br />
<br />
It's gotten to a point where memories of certain individuals spike my desire to run faster or to speed up on the elliptical in disgust and derision. Good for my body, not so good for my soul.<br />
<br />
In wild moments, I wonder if the faith I had nurtured and tried to impart to others will desert me, even where my mental faculties and thought have sharpened. Perhaps I will become one of those hardened atheists, disdaining unnecessary and unwarranted human contact that interferes with thought and reason and the improvement of what I currently hold in my hands: my time and life.<br />
<br />
Winter of discontent indeed.<br />
<br />
<br />the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-55877582682512359242014-07-13T03:40:00.000-07:002014-07-15T09:54:12.902-07:00Evenings in Spiritual Conversation - Part 1 <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0w7_z-rI5aEAziLJAd2PNL6M3hgc5llzcl7tciekdHVjKxWYrQVC8tBBco2rPm0DZSooBv1GL-GNNrEtJq9mj9gwEevSXlXbyZ1dGQ9135wRkwKdN0x_2HykZlsHrcGdgCGfFBbJQbqU/s1600/the+conversation.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0w7_z-rI5aEAziLJAd2PNL6M3hgc5llzcl7tciekdHVjKxWYrQVC8tBBco2rPm0DZSooBv1GL-GNNrEtJq9mj9gwEevSXlXbyZ1dGQ9135wRkwKdN0x_2HykZlsHrcGdgCGfFBbJQbqU/s1600/the+conversation.jpg" height="213" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;">image taken from http://speechwriting-ghostwriting.typepad.com/speechwriting_ghostwritin/2014/01/conversations-troubles-talk-alienates-no-longer-bonds.html</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Last Thursday, Maranatha Retreat House organised a session on 'Evenings in Spiritual Conversation' by Fr. Christopher Wee SJ which was really an introduction to Ignatian spirituality. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I was torn as to whether to attend this event - hot off the heels of an extremely challenging day - but I made it and it was one of those serendipitous moments I cherish.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">One of the key aspects of Ignatian spirituality is its focus on conversations - with God, with St. Ignatius, with self and with others. Informal, down to earth, as how we would speak to anyone.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As the picture above says, the conversation with God <i>is </i>the relationship - that we are no longer talking<i> about </i>God but engaging with Him, having a personal experience of God as a real presence. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Likewise, the conversations with others are a journey of the heart - an opening up to each other in trust and there is no place for criticism and correction but a loving acceptance of what God is doing to us. We begin to fulfil the need and desire to make contact and for space and peace. How often do we hear the advice 'you guys need to talk' when faced with an issue or problem. So it goes. Communication at the heart of relationship building. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Fr. Chris shared with us the story of St Ignatius' conversion and highlighted his cannonball experience i.e. something that breaks us and disturbs the flow of life. This is something I hope to explore more deeply in a subsequent post.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In reflecting on our life, it is important to reflect that we go deeper rather than further. This accords with what Fr Simon Yong SJ told a younger, more impetuous me when I asked him why did I have to go up and down the garden path to discover what God wants of me? Can't I just go from point A to point B direct? Wouldn't it be easier and more efficient? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Fr Simon said the winding journey which seemed pointless at the time would lead me deeper in self-knowledge. I didn't understand him then, but I think I do now. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm looking forward to the next instalment next month when we begin delving into the 3 main texts at the heart of Ignatian spirituality - A Pilgrim's Journey (St Ignatius' autobiography), The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius and the Constitutions of the Society of Jesus. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Meanwhile, I have some scintillating conversations to go and initiate and people to catch up with.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">*<i>Edit </i>- in my previous post I described SFX as organising this event - Fr Chris has kindly highlighted that it is actually Maranatha Retreat House which organised this and I have made the necessary amendments above. Apologies for the confusion.</span>the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-12229474682289799132014-07-09T07:31:00.002-07:002014-07-09T07:31:40.587-07:00Quick updates on BIM / A session with Fr. Alberto<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Hi there,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's been certainly quite awhile since I last updated.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">First things first, I managed to get my finisher medal for Borneo International Marathon - my very first 10k. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8mEMebY-_P4tZ9vACzXCD_egG74OZ_lqZhDrpHue1sSsJtq7eK4pHTQydt9wGO-3jEfNyErKr7kZ98yHq89uV7ZkDICPLNhFz_RzVRkkSB9oYM3XNViy6N2nXQapwT3xHwWgcNWPQeME/s1600/BIM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8mEMebY-_P4tZ9vACzXCD_egG74OZ_lqZhDrpHue1sSsJtq7eK4pHTQydt9wGO-3jEfNyErKr7kZ98yHq89uV7ZkDICPLNhFz_RzVRkkSB9oYM3XNViy6N2nXQapwT3xHwWgcNWPQeME/s1600/BIM.jpg" height="320" width="239" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I really do like this picture very much - the effect and play of morning light and shadow on the grass contrasted with the red of the tshirt is quite striking. Was dog tired and close to collapsing, but the photo doesn't show that...! Taken while I was queuing up for Milo (2 cups, no less, I think I fully deserved it) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">*** </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The event of the year for Lifeline - our Lifecamp 2014 is fast approaching, and with it, the excitement of promo and content and planning meetings and getting things ready for the camp. This year, I take on the challenge of planning and coordinating camp content and briefing the facilitators. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Over in my sub-ministry, things haven't been easy - 3 members quit my team and 1 told me he's now in the core team for RCIA i.e. he will have much less time to serve in Lifeline. It's only me and my faithful assistant who's been manning the fort. With the demands of work and other issues, it's really been very difficult managing the workload and the expectations of those around me, as well as my own. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>This wick began to smoulder </i>... <i>and I thought He would quench it. </i> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But He didn't. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We had a meeting with Fr. Alberto, our assistant parish priest who oversees Lifeline. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And such words of wisdom he shared. Truly, it was balm to my soul. Here are some of the key points and my own reflections :- </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Support systems and coping mechanisms matter</b></span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We need to have our support systems in place when undertaking any kind of venture and more so in serving in ministry. Sometimes the support systems may take different forms and can be quite unexpected, but if they encourage us to do better and comfort us, then they are worth having. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's also important to have appropriate coping mechanisms. One of the things that struck me the most was avoiding negativity and empty talk from the people around me, possibly characterised as 'unhelpful chatter'. It only makes things worse. </span><br />
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Remember our growth </b></span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Never forget that all of us are growing, whether in our personal lives or in ministry or at work. Don't forget to take a step back and see how far you have come and know that you can keep on going </span><br />
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Numbers aren't everything </b></span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Ministry isn't a numbers game and as much as we help to sow the seed, remember that the growth of the seeds depends on God and we can never know how much of a difference we make in our efforts. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Respect </b></span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Always respect the other and yourself in all interactions. There's a reason why the saying 'familiarity breeds contempt' exists. </span></div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>We live in tension </b></span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We all live in a tension between what we long to do and the realities we face - the secret of life is managing the tensions. </span></div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Just knowing that frees me up a lot because I can acknowledge that I'm a complex person who faces conflicting emotions and this is absolutely <i>normal</i>. And this is where I am learning to depend on grace - the spiritual side of things - while also working on the material and concrete issues that demand my attention. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-87195549789820692212014-03-31T07:39:00.002-07:002014-03-31T07:39:08.336-07:00Formation and teaching the faith / Running / CLS and activitism<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Hi there! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's really been quite awhile since I last updated here. In the interim, a new career path opened up, taking on an expanded role in Lifeline Ministry (our fb page is <a href="https://www.facebook.com/sfxlifeline">here</a>) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">and a growing love and interest in running and being part of CLS - Catholic Lawyers Society. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So here goes nothing - 3 short posts in 1</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><u>Formation and teaching the faith </u></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's my role in Lifeline - I head the Sound in the Word sub-ministry which is mainly centred on formation and teaching the faith. Together with my team, we draft Lifeline studies on Church teachings and scripture, organise Lifetalks and work with the Worship team for Lifesessions such as the recent Scriptural Way of the Cross. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When I think about my late great-grandad Moses who was a catechist, I feel privileged to be able to walk in his footsteps to share the faith. Of course, it's not always easy, and it's so tiring at times, but how much joy I have in seeing the knowledge of others grow and hopefully lead to a close walk with Christ. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">On a more prosaic note, learning to use Excel and delegate and keep track and draft studies and manage my team. Work in Progress tis. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><u>Running </u></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My first ever finisher medal - Done. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My first competitive 8km race - Done. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Now on to my first 10k. Wish me all the best! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Even though I can only run in short spurts, and I am quite easily winded, I still love running for the freedom and energy it brings, and the distance it puts between me and my worries and concerns. And the hills, I curse when I get up them, but the relief sweeping down slope is liberating. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Regardless whether I get that finisher medal at Borneo International Marathon, it's the trying my best and training for the run which keeps me going. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Maybe someday I will attempt to bike. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But for now, I will continue to get fitter, not fatter. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The food is all too tempting, fallen off the wagon too often, but time to hoist me up and carry on. Less Food = Lighter Pet = Faster Pet </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><u>CLS and Activism</u></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Some of you out there may know that I've been involved in Catholic Lawyers Society for some time now (since 2009). I'm not a lawyer anymore but I'm still a committee member ...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Amidst all the activism of CLS in these difficult times, I've finally found my niche from discussions with Fr Jestus as serving to help the spiritual formation of CLS members - see the connection with item#1? :) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's nice to know what I can give, and what I'm good for. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-24009520618988184662013-06-23T09:00:00.001-07:002013-06-23T09:00:31.298-07:00In fast forward / In slow motion<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Frail, fragile body encasing an iron heart, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">and a mind sharper than steel,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I watched your spine bend and curve. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">What to make of your last moments</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">that giving way in fast forward? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">From the easy chair to that old spring-laden bed, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">which you could barely come out of,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">you went to that dim dark hospital room,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">and reduced </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">you to nothing more</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">than squiggly lines and masses of beeps. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You were aware to the end, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">fast forwarded. that passing over. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And the one you loved the most, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">he has forgotten who we are, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">those strange blank faces he smiles at. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">He neither walks nor talks much ,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">the words are nothing more than syllables</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">his lips cannot pronounce anymore,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">the days he spends no more than sleep, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">dreamless? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">maybe deep inside somewhere </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">in a place where he can speak, think, be as before, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">he dreams of you, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">he inches along to catch up with you, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">in slow motion. that passing over. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">*For my grandparents - my late grandmother, and my grandfather* </span><br />
<br />the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-43697504220908553422013-04-11T09:17:00.001-07:002013-04-11T09:17:49.704-07:00Readiness and layers of atheism <span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You've got to be ready for the opportunities - I think that in moments like these, I'm being trained to know what it feels like to keep walking on in the darkness. I wondered where the light was, but really I've kept on blowing out my own candle instead of kindling it from the fire that never goes out, that fire that reassures me and has loved me before I was born. That fire of God's love. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My love for God comes in fits and starts, and as I get to know myself better through the ups and downs of daily living, through reflecting on past events, questions about where do I go from here - I uncover 'layers of atheism', as Gerard Hughes, author of 'God of Surprises' puts it. For all the platitudes I've expressed, for all the seeming piety that people associate me with (I would be the first to admit that I'm sinful and broken in one million different ways), there are deep parts of me that cannot let go, cannot trust, cannot surrender, cannot believe. Yet. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Because even as another layer is revealed, I sense Him there. I sense my own hardness of heart, my insistence that things SHOULD be a certain way, I OUGHT to be someplace. Anywhere but in the here and now - and the dread of floating along, drifting along, yes, they reflect a certain ambition and drive, but they also show a distinct lack of trust, and a whole lot of pride. Pride that my plans, hopes, dreams are the best and they are the blueprint by which God should abide. Don't I know myself best? Won't He want the best for me too? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And despite previous experiences of me begging Him, 'please rubber stamp my plans' - and that not too long ago .... I persist. It's futile. I know. Writing's on the wall, but I'm trying to rationalise those squiggles as reading something entirely different - maybe if you tilt your head sideways and squint a little, it reads something else. It reads 'I don't need to change the way I do things, or think, or behave, or carry on'. That's what I would like to think. But the truth ... the truth is that, I have a long way to go. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">One of the secrets of growing older is learning how to reflect fruitfully on the past. There are many ways of reflecting, one with increasing bitterness and regret at missed opportunities. The other is to think back of what went wrong and look at what caused it and how to fix it. </span>the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-57769766699486132042012-12-19T08:39:00.004-08:002012-12-19T08:41:03.268-08:00Updates - from surviving to thriving - the Serenity Prayer<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This is one of those brief posts where I realise that I've not updated this little space on the Interwebs for a very long time and since I'm now on extended Christmas leave and catching my breath, it's probably the best time for me to do that. </span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The period of being at a loose end has come to an end (pun not intended) and it's about time to move on. I did ask me the hard questions and part of them were answered as I would describe more fully, in the second part of this post. I was also helped by a series of particularly enlightening conversations with a partner in the law firm where I work, which has opened my eyes to a new way of doing things and understanding what life is all about. </span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Suffice to say, it is only by God's grace that I pulled thru this particularly difficult time, in which He saw fit to give me a nice new Nokia Lumia 800 smartphone via the St Ignatius church Junior Youth Ministry raffle ticket draw. I was reading 'the Hobbit' on a fine Sunday morning when I got the call telling me I won the phone - which I instantly thought was a scam! Haha. Luckily despite the boy selling the raffle tickets calling me 'aunty' (wth!), I bought 2 books and well ... God knew I needed that little pick-me-up, as He always knows. </span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's not a perfect phone, but hey, it's good enough for me. And it has a GPS, which I instantly dubbed Moses (to lead me to the Promised Land). So far Moses has been all right, except for the few times when it's been quite stupid, taking me further into Puchong rather than back to Damansara. Times like these I tell Moses to stuff it and just drive my merry way. </span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">*** </span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">From surviving to thriving. I did find my answers to the hard questions in the session with Fr Matt Linn SJ end November. I discovered I enjoy making the intangible tangible. To crystallise ideas into words and concepts into narrative. </span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">That explains why despite the struggles I face, I am still in this profession that I am in. I find that it always begins with an idea or many ideas - what gives me joy is helping clients to clarify, crystallise and formulate their ideas using words and from there, make their ideas happen. The process is sometimes long drawn-out, and often difficult (esp where there is no precedent) but oh my, the beauty of something concluded, completed. And of course, seeking clarity in the morass of documents and papers in a due diligence exercise. It gives me that satisfaction that goes beyond the mere ka-ching of an invoice that has been settled. </span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Needless to say, the care of people underscores all I have done before and all I wish to do, in the future. An expression of love, far beyond the bottomline - of which I acknowledge its due importance, that is what I am striving for. </span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">***</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Forgiveness begins to happen when you realise you can't control people's responses and reactions. You can't force people to be kind or to love, you can only be kind to yourself and to them. One of the other things that has helped immensely thru this time has been the Serenity Prayer, and I reproduce below the original Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Neibuhr:- </span><br />
<br />
<div style="background-color: #f8f8f8; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #444444;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: #f8f8f8; font-size: large; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">GOD, grant me the serenity</span></div>
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">to accept the things</span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I cannot change, </span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Courage to change the</span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">things I can, and the</span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">wisdom to know the difference. </span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Living one day at a time;</span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Enjoying one moment at a time;</span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Accepting hardship as the</span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">pathway to peace. </span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Taking, as He did, this</span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">sinful world as it is, </span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">not as I would have it. </span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Trusting that He will make</span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">all things right if I</span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">surrender to His Will; </span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">That I may be reasonably happy</span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">in this life, and supremely</span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">happy with Him forever in</span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">the next. </span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Amen</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-22094562372911380932012-09-23T07:56:00.000-07:002012-09-23T07:56:27.995-07:00Daring to ask the hard questions<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm at a bit of a loose end. A lot has happened in my life since I last wrote and the fruit of my thoughts are below:- </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">*warning: free association writing* </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Do I actually dare to ask myself and to ask God the hard questions? And to listen to what the answers might bring me? To someplace I don't want to go, like St Peter? What if what He demands much more of me than I am willing to give? What if all I've been doing before this is a waste and a colossal mistake?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">No wallowing, but the tears at the chapel/prayer room are real ... and with them, the sense of waiting for the clouds to part, and for me to listen more to what and who I am, the courage to pursue what I really believe in and to build on the person I am. Not to keep on apologising to the world for who I am but to embrace, accept and grow the gifts I have been given. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">What am I waiting for?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">More than an image,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bigger than a perception, or steoreotypes, or whatever boxes or lines you want to put around me, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Greater than what you think I stand for, or who I'm all about...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am who I am. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">A tremendous struggle it's been. Wombat like I would like to curl up in a corner, but there is a life to keep living. And a self to listen to. And to love. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-88257511628613050822012-07-30T07:30:00.001-07:002012-07-30T07:30:59.757-07:00The pieces that didn't quite fit<br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A long time ago, you were fragile, emerging from behind a shy glance,</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">you came out to meet the world,</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">which greeted you with nothing more than taunts and jeers,</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">you had no name, you began to believe you didn't deserve one.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">bit by bit, you began to see that so many pieces didn't fit, </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">they said so, they think im weird, they think i m a loser </span></em></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">and you tore them off your being, flung them far, far away,</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">pretended it was ok</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">apart from the tears at night,</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">you thought it was loneliness, </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">you always wanted to belong, </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">but those were the tears of a betrayed self.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Years pass before you bring the broken pieces</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">of what remains of yourself,</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">and lay it before this compassionate presence,</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">whom you only dimly perceived before.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">no more the judge, the policeman, the accountant,</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">keeping track of wrongdoing and mistake.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">now watch, this Father has kept, precious, pure, </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">those parts you had cast aside,</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">where have those jagged edges gone? </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">smoothening the cracks and zig zag lines,</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">in His light, they take on a beauty that He has seen and known,</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">they remind you that you were loved. you <em>are </em>loved.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">and gently, oh so gently, He shows you</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">where each piece belongs in and of you,</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">the past, the present, the form of the future. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">the Father never forgot the wholeness of who you were. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">*Written in honour of the feastday of St Ignatius of Loyola - 31 July 2012* </span></div>
<br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-36655517572811942162012-06-15T21:35:00.000-07:002012-06-15T21:37:36.383-07:00Updates / That wordless love / Paper v Touchscreen ***<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Hello all,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">it's been ages since I last updated this little space of mine on the web - a job change is what I'd like to share. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">To be honest, nobody is more surprised than I am that I am still in legal practice. If you have known me for that long and have been following my story, you would know that I never did see myself as particularly lawyerly - not too polished, slick, clever at buttering up or sharply dressed, or cunning. Or brutal, tough and conscience less, as popular view would have you believe it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">But here I am, in practice again, working at the kind of place I didn't think I would belong in (large firm with a flurry of activity and movement and all sorts of people, from the ultra happening to the quirky to the quiet) and learning as much and as best as I can everyday. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I do believe that God has a purpose for me to be there and in as much as there are some pretty rough days and weeks, my corpus of experience (and felt knowledge) is increasing and when the time is right, I shall be able to move on to the next stage of my life to assist others in enriching their own knowledge and carve their paths out. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">*trusting Him and knowing when the time is right* </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">*** </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">That wordless love - where only action can bring it into the light. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">you didn't have to, you didn't need to. but you still did.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">and after a lifetime of deafness, i think i m finally learning to listen and know that in those things you did and have been doing, you were saying 'I love you' in the best way you could.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Thank you. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">***</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Prayer time had been about using my smartphone - scrolling down the touchscreen to read the day's readings and reciting the prayers off the screen. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">And every now and then using the Pray-As-You-Go podcast, which I would admit has been wonderful and it's so compact, guiding you through 15 minutes (or so) of the day's reading with stirring music as accompaniment and reflective prayer. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">But nothing beats the good old fashioned paper and ink devotional and my 500 grams Bible - as I flip through the pages, I am reminded why we are a sacramental people and that it is in these very tangible and real things that we find closeness and healing and peace. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I'll probably go on with both, and as the days become busier and rest periods shorter and shorter, I need to remember, the first fruits belong to Him, and to Him be all praise, honour and glory.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">AMDG! </span>the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-2266199343657070972012-04-25T08:24:00.001-07:002012-04-25T08:24:40.929-07:00Loving and the release of humanity<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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(http://www.etsy.com/listing/94822577/lao-tzu-love-strength-courage-quote)</h4>
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I've always loved this quote, and lately I've been thinking about it even more deeply. </div>
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A moment of grace came to me recently. Someone whom I loved deeply finally understood - that for all those years when he thought that I could not and did not accept him for his choices and state in life, I had loved and accepted him all along. And it has taken these long long years for him to acknowledge that and to be loved. There was confusion, but never condemnation. How blessed I am that he finally sees and accepts this from me. I am truly thankful. </div>
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You might wonder why this matters so much - after all, he is in a distant land, far away from me. Our circles no longer overlap and we have not seen each other face to face since that day. But it matters because I have discovered, that besides allowing myself to be loved, loving another person released my humanity.There is a part in me that could only be realised in freely giving of myself, knowing that there may never be any answers or resolution to what I faced. </div>
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An ending happened that day, I thought, but it was really the beginning of a very long journey into knowing what it means to really hold another person in your heart and soul - and accept that although the person cannot love you in the way you thought at first, he or she loves you with all that he or she has. The release of this part of my being has meant setting me free from demands, conditions and preconceived ideas. We are all strengthened by the love we receive from the ones around us, but even more important is the courage to embrace a new way of loving and of being. </div>
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You can't be really all that human if you've never given yourself away. Those moments of crushing vulnerability and the tears I've shed, I think they only make sense now that I see the courage it has unlocked in me to see my Christ and tell Him, yes, I will bear His Christ light to the people around me. Even though it may flicker in me, dimmed at times by my weakness, He is here within me. </div>
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<br /></div>the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-71760943630617404672012-04-01T07:00:00.003-07:002012-04-01T08:15:40.137-07:00Of Ignatiusising and Why I love Ignatian Spirituality so much - part i<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibMBGezh-RlNQ9HMRcmBX88GNJaApAr66HSGaDwpRthjw9c_mccu7MBF1E7vgy8r2XlRvMKFvrzP6VG62m7InvJoGeRskq7fYgAcTwse5B6NyVNqofNbJLPDwmtuMxXacAmyR_4jo5MEQ/s1600/home-breakout.png" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 302px; height: 314px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibMBGezh-RlNQ9HMRcmBX88GNJaApAr66HSGaDwpRthjw9c_mccu7MBF1E7vgy8r2XlRvMKFvrzP6VG62m7InvJoGeRskq7fYgAcTwse5B6NyVNqofNbJLPDwmtuMxXacAmyR_4jo5MEQ/s400/home-breakout.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5726434210738471506" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span >picture taken from <a href="https://www.ideacrossing.org/default.aspx">here</a></span></div><br /><div style="text-align: justify;"><span >It was a friend from Singapore who remarked that I seem extremely fond of 'Ignatiusising' - which is another way of saying I flood his FB newsfeed with posts on Ignatian spirituality. This got me thinking about just what it is about Ignatian spirituality that I love so much that draws me to it and leaves me wanting more and wanting to share all about it. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span >Well, the first thing that drew me in was the fact that God is to be found in everything, even and especially my emotions and imagination. And besides that, even more significantly, in the parts my life and self that I consider messed up and broken, and that I'm ashamed of. I think there is something very reassuring about knowing that God is there, amidst the crevices and cracks and that He is waiting for me. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span >More so that nothing in me, or in my life has been a waste, even the most humiliating and painful occurrences, the type that I m still coming to terms with and understanding - are not a waste, as God is there too. Accepting my past has helped me accept my self too, and with it, the knowledge that together with my Creator, the present and future are still open to change and growth. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span >As I journeyed on, in my practice of the Examen (i try to do it at least once a day, at night before I sleep), I discovered the joy of imaginative contemplation prayer. And There has been No Looking Back hence :)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span ><i>to be continued ... </i></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span ><br /></span></div>the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-65943101541731392262012-03-04T05:39:00.002-08:002012-03-04T05:57:38.095-08:00Unconditional love?<i>i think i'm in love ... again. </i><div>and you'd think that after all this while you'd learned your lessons,</div><div>a broken heart, shattered expectations, </div><div>promises left unkept.</div><div><i>no but really, this time i think it's different.</i></div><div>how is that so? </div><div><i>you know that old saying, If you love someone, set them free and if they come back to you, then you'll know it was meant to be. </i></div><div>and ...</div><div><i>it's just another way of expressing unconditional love. </i></div><div><i><br /></i></div>the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-35638896040430558132012-02-26T04:51:00.004-08:002012-02-26T05:18:54.428-08:00Lenten Reflection - part i<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizjqGE5jVWX5M-a9lD40xLd2stosMgzoW_ZbSXqBdW9PuX_nCraeDcb2HeEp6hRycV1ChI9cnemaaKsNXo9COTvEe3mn14OPh1NmUdEpAzthnEJ6C3BIP7YbLMTemp3-jpWwCDwJ5gK3s/s1600/h2_56.228.jpg" style="font-style: normal; "><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 264px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizjqGE5jVWX5M-a9lD40xLd2stosMgzoW_ZbSXqBdW9PuX_nCraeDcb2HeEp6hRycV1ChI9cnemaaKsNXo9COTvEe3mn14OPh1NmUdEpAzthnEJ6C3BIP7YbLMTemp3-jpWwCDwJ5gK3s/s400/h2_56.228.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5713428550749782722" /></a><i style="font-style: normal; "><br /></i><div><i>i was not weeping at the cross, </i><div style="font-style: normal; "><i>unlike the Mother of our Lord and</i></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><i>the women of Jerusalem. </i></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><i>They believed in Someone, </i></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><i>believed that Something would come to pass.</i></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><i>And i, pushing past the people, </i></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><i>grabbed the body, slippery in blood</i></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><i>and spittle from the scornful </i></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><i>unbelievers gathered round, </i></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><i>gnarled with a thousand whip lashes,</i></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><i>grabbed it, </i></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><i>screamed </i></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><i>"Where were You, God, </i></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><i>Where were You when it mattered most?" </i></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><i>and ended with a cry</i></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><i>primitive, primeval, an ache beyond words,</i></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><i style="font-size: 100%; ">so did the Christ cry out with me.</i></div><div style="font-style: normal; "><i><br /></i></div></div>the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-82664436826319284342012-02-08T05:54:00.000-08:002012-02-08T06:18:57.075-08:00The Client - Enemy or Best Friend?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeeW9O6-Qkd7XgYaJXvAs3VGMD3vI4cr3z2v28zf1fcAA5vBXJKopQNlKA4tunekRlxiEdUOOmykEEvqAdmjyrrwMn4XwbNLGPgRosHafhqTKTqfY6voekbb_sT-s-IqOzuq3SdVqeWpY/s1600/tug-o-war.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 265px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeeW9O6-Qkd7XgYaJXvAs3VGMD3vI4cr3z2v28zf1fcAA5vBXJKopQNlKA4tunekRlxiEdUOOmykEEvqAdmjyrrwMn4XwbNLGPgRosHafhqTKTqfY6voekbb_sT-s-IqOzuq3SdVqeWpY/s400/tug-o-war.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5706763200841307602" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span>(pix credits <a href="http://singlemindedwomen.com/blog/sex-the-single-woman-tug-of-war/">here</a>)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span > Recalling the words of my earliest boss,</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span >"<i>the client is your worst enemy" </i>he would warn me, emphasising <b>enemy. </b>Then he would illustrate with examples of the client turning on us, backstabbing, complaining, even suing us for things going wrong later on. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span >At some level, I did understand that clients could be capable of making our lives as lawyers pretty darn miserable, not to mention, be the source of all kinds of danger, from petty complaints to negligence lawsuits. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span >On the other hand, can one regard this fee paying client as one's best friend? That wouldn't be correct either, since professionalism carries with it, as I have learned the hard way, a certain distance and also, well, from a more practical point of view, clients are more often than not nasty rather than nice, demanding rather than understanding. Not exactly the best place to breed anything more than courtesy</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span ><span>For me, it is hard to reconcile the concept of the client being one's worst enemy with his being the person paying the (legal) fees and doing one's best for this enemy. To begin with this starting block would create unnecessary stress and worry. </span><span>There is a middle ground between enemy and best friend which I am finding day by day. </span><span>I found instead that one regards clients as people to whom a duty is owed and whose expectations need to be managed (i.e. reality checks need to be given where necessary, the last I know, I didn't have a magic wand ready to grant all the heart's desires). That detachment is part of making better judgment calls and I dare say, an improved level of service. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium; "><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span><br /></span></div>the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-264513359259262882012-02-02T06:45:00.001-08:002012-02-02T06:58:19.209-08:00Accepting the UnacceptableI can't believe it's been six (6) years already, and I thought the void you left behind was already filled up. <div>No, I got betrayed and let down - and as I sit here, remembering alternating moments between the times spent together and that one singular moment of heartbreaking honesty (and you were honourable enough to tell me the truth, and because of that, you didn't lose my respect, no not my affection either although we both know something has changed forever) <div>Haven't seen you since, first - we weren't ready, next it became lots of excuses and third, it became being into our own busy lives. </div><div>We're still friends, I'd like to think. And no matter what or where you go, always a special place in my prayers for you, whatever you've told me and your doubts. </div><div>... </div><div><br /></div><div>Thinking of someone else too. Why does it always come down to this? The good and happy times fade into this ache and dull emptiness. And for once in a way, so bitter that I find it hard to smile. </div><div><br /></div><div>Betrayed. Disappointed. Alone. And I wonder what this all means. Forgiveness takes a long time, a very very long time, and talking about reconciliation, if there is no real change of heart or thinking or approach, why even bother? </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-65914759619131442512012-01-03T06:47:00.000-08:002012-01-03T07:03:34.131-08:00Chasing after Bubbles<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm_RyTOdznxAcgwVZHG6B1VHEFq404NOKyZflJjLeX1NSwRGgeTlhz0u8LyoDzvQmKbuihDH1R3V7mi1ETCxEUUOSOGB6jl4LZ7yJix6cP2CsreLV2G4Zqvt80Jm2krmqzMy5UmkZV7w4/s1600/Bubbles07web.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm_RyTOdznxAcgwVZHG6B1VHEFq404NOKyZflJjLeX1NSwRGgeTlhz0u8LyoDzvQmKbuihDH1R3V7mi1ETCxEUUOSOGB6jl4LZ7yJix6cP2CsreLV2G4Zqvt80Jm2krmqzMy5UmkZV7w4/s400/Bubbles07web.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5693417944501552402" /></a><br /><div><i>She's chasing after bubbles, </i></div><div><i>floating by so prettily, lighter than the air, </i></div><div><i>shimmery transparent orbs </i></div><div><i>a million blended shades of purple pink and blue on the edges,</i></div><div><i>She's going to catch those bubbles and </i></div><div><i>keep them safe and round in her chubby palms.</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>But the closer she gets, the sooner it pops,</i></div><div><i>one by one by one, </i></div><div><i>it's a little upsetting, but she'll keep on trying,</i></div><div><i>jogs a bit and then giggles a lot</i></div><div><i>and the sun winks down at her,</i></div><div><i>bouncing off a tiny bubble that first </i></div><div><i>escaped her view,</i></div><div><i>she winks back and reaches out</i></div><div><i>and sees it disappear.</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>*pic credits <a href="http://images.google.com/imgres?q=little+girl+chasing+after+bubbles&hl=en&gbv=2&biw=1366&bih=667&tbm=isch&tbnid=grHBGw5V7VqhpM:&imgrefurl=http://joshanddeborah.blogspot.com/2011/04/bubbles.html&docid=URiOrQ5ylhZG0M&itg=1&imgurl=https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqaAQUqG-_An8FjmxxnNTuaoY0PG4mZXa1x3TBUqFJyRndGiA08CChKqTGMnOpjIREmr6hjBdiK3nl2f0eNOs_eCnuVCK8zIozJbG_acuwe-pxqPgqijnQquNOU1Jyc2Yoa9e96Kqkilsc/s1600/Bubbles07web.jpg&w=900&h=600&ei=FhUDT5KDL83rrQfl4o2JBA&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=880&vpy=323&dur=2601&hovh=183&hovw=275&tx=122&ty=98&sig=104703733985454783830&page=1&tbnh=144&tbnw=192&start=0&ndsp=18&ved=1t:429,r:10,s:0">here</a>*</div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i> </i></div><div><i><br /></i></div>the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-44749999853192997562011-12-28T07:03:00.000-08:002011-12-28T07:35:12.860-08:00Prayer - Loving from a distance<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgByCcH-mQg3ex4Lzl1uJvb1PFpP0_NBQxRwz3Frco5snYzHD-E3aGCVGq8WulJDzAwNu2BQpSE7HxyYGsgg88KWCT16_7cUWKuk0Y_MtiOfPUyjIrjdf6B8Y7NxSL5HMDa7TnToLuKgcw/s1600/prayer114.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 299px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgByCcH-mQg3ex4Lzl1uJvb1PFpP0_NBQxRwz3Frco5snYzHD-E3aGCVGq8WulJDzAwNu2BQpSE7HxyYGsgg88KWCT16_7cUWKuk0Y_MtiOfPUyjIrjdf6B8Y7NxSL5HMDa7TnToLuKgcw/s400/prayer114.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5691198037875691138" /></a><span class="Apple-tab-span"><div style="white-space: pre; text-align: center; "><span>(the usual drill - credits for the pix <a href="http://www.watton.org/clipart/prayer/prayer114.jpg">here</a>)<span class="Apple-tab-span"> </span></span></div><div style="white-space: pre; text-align: justify; "><span><br /></span></div><div style="white-space: pre; text-align: justify; "><span>There will be times when others hurt us so badly that we're left reeling in shock,</span></div><div style="white-space: pre; text-align: justify; "><span>flailing about and struggling to come to terms with what happened. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;white-space: pre; "><span>And the commandment to love seems nothing more than an impossible mockery, </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;white-space: pre; "><span>something beyond our capabilities. We scream out for justice. Vengeance. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;white-space: pre; "><span>Or sit in a stunned silence, unable to respond, numb to everything. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;white-space: pre; "><span>It is in those times that I've found, prayer is loving such people from a distance. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;white-space: pre; "><span>In time, through this prayer, although the distance remains, we find forgiveness and peace.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;white-space: pre; "><span><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;white-space: pre; "><span>We find that loving is not an impossible task, simply that we need to draw upon God to open our hearts</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;white-space: pre; "><span>and His infinite source and supply of love. He supplies the grace, it is for us to yield to Him. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;white-space: pre; ">The painful feelings and memories. will be there, but they are never the end of the matter. </div><div style="text-align: justify;white-space: pre; "><span>What is forgiveness then but another facet of love? </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;white-space: pre; "><span>And forgiveness, I have found, is not just my matter,</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;white-space: pre; "><span>but His, all in all. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;white-space: pre; "><span><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;white-space: pre; "><span><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;white-space: pre; "><span><br /></span></div></span>the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-60262716359900979872011-12-17T23:44:00.000-08:002011-12-19T06:30:42.164-08:00Christmas Reflection 2011<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWSlXmKPRJpgaXV7MqTHq6z-j_qlMNfLV7woe8Dn6IG4wZJgzR4_OWlKGcFmPxyn1NmKFE5_4ydjq3rgHu8TZxjKAhvUFnIse1DsPHfSiT6wocMgeraf4Q03XWYSB2oq3-2RTz_i7OXp4/s1600/honthorst_adoration_of_the_shepherds.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 315px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWSlXmKPRJpgaXV7MqTHq6z-j_qlMNfLV7woe8Dn6IG4wZJgzR4_OWlKGcFmPxyn1NmKFE5_4ydjq3rgHu8TZxjKAhvUFnIse1DsPHfSiT6wocMgeraf4Q03XWYSB2oq3-2RTz_i7OXp4/s400/honthorst_adoration_of_the_shepherds.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5687846451223267218" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >*picture credits <a href="http://organicmamasblog.blogspot.com">here</a>*</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;">It has been a very busy Advent for me, the kind that sets off and starts out with hustle and much more bustle :- </div><div style="text-align: justify;">1. on the work front - changes in my job scope and a fresh set of challenges; </div><div style="text-align: justify;">2. CG, wrapping up for 2011 and preparing for 2012, and sending off one of our dear brothers in Christ, George;</div><div><div style="text-align: justify;">3. tidying up the house here in KD and preparing for homecoming as my aunt, uncle and cousins come back for a Christmas visit. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"> ... </div></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">and preparing to meet the Christ child, somehow, at the back of my heart and mind, underneath all this running around and chaos. Year after year, I know it:-</div><div style="text-align: justify;">the angel appears, Mary says Yes, Jesus is born, the angels sing, the shepherds come and worship, then the 3 wise men and then Christ is presented to Simeon ... I can recite these events in quick succession. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">But what does it all <i>mean?</i> I've spent very little time thinking about this, and even less praying about this. Instead, I've accepted this sequence of events - one leading to another - to finally end on the Cross and the Resurrection 3 days after. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">And so I wait, as I have been told, Advent is the season to wait for Christ's birth and His coming as a child. In darker moments, I wonder what exactly I am waiting for, sorely tempted to bury myself in the restless rush of presents, parties, food, festive fun. Or work, in a more sadistic frame of mind. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Until one fine day, when dried and drained out by all the giving giving giving that everyone has demanded so far, I just sit in silence, all by myself before the Blessed Sacrament. Nursing the remnants of the flu, there's only my sniffling slightly and the quiet of the place. So much louder and more eloquent than any words anyone could say. I hear nothing else, but I leave with a sense of peace and a comforted heart. No answers, but just that. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />I was thinking : let me be content with that then. Then, 2 days later, circling a parking lot in vain for a space, deep within me, a sense of God's love suffusing within my heart. The words of Isaiah 43 echo - that He regards me as precious, and has given people in exchange for me, and nations in return for my life. Suddenly, His love overwhelmed me and I realised how little I understood its depth and breadth. Over mountains, into seas of flames, He would pursue me, calling out my name over and over till He was hoarse and in the end, <i>die for me.</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">In this discovery of love did I enter into the scene at the manger. Tentatively, shyly (here I was year in, year out, calling myself a believing, practising Catholic and yet not appreciating this miracle), I came forward. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">The Blessed Virgin smiled at me warmly. She beckoned me to come closer and invited me, "<i>Here, touch his cheeks"</i>. So I gently placed my hands on the Christchild's cheeks, this newborn. Divine. And yet in that moment, so vulnerable. I felt my breath lost in the beauty of the moment, the sheer hopefulness. New life began here - at this very point and both Mother Mary and Christ invited me in. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">I could read the Christmas story over and over again, but until I myself came in and saw Him there, it was always something outside of me, the wrapping on a present I paid scarce attention to. But now I know, the birth of Christ is the gift itself. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Wishing all of you a truly blessed Christmas and that may you experience His love more and more in the coming year. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-14167803234627279212011-11-28T06:28:00.000-08:002011-11-28T06:46:39.830-08:00Welcoming the Christ child<iframe src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/DWLltU9ayFc" allowfullscreen="" width="480" frameborder="0" height="360"></iframe><br /><br />O Come O come Emmanuel - welcoming the Christ child. <br /><br />When I consider the state of my heart and mind, and my relations with others, I cannot help but compare and see the distinct similarities with a manger filled with animals mooing and bleating and the smell of dung and heat. And yet, of all places He could be born in, the Christ child was born there - giving me hope that despite all this, He is there waiting to come into this world, into my messy world. <br /><br />December's always been the time of year when I take stock of my life and see where I've gone before and where I have yet to go. I enjoy the spiritual spring-cleaning that the Advent pentitential service helps me to do. In so many ways, sin has become less about not doing wrong than recognising patterns in my life which do not meet the mark of Christ and of asking for His mercy in areas where I struggle greatly in. He's not keeping score, but like the best parents any of us could ever ask for, He is encouraging me to take those baby steps into becoming more like Him.the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-77070212777564386452011-11-05T18:38:00.000-07:002011-11-05T18:59:47.356-07:00All that we have<iframe src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/2mcpe_-UoUc" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" width="480"></iframe><br /><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">"Sometimes the road may be lonesome,<br />Often we may lose our way,<br />But take courage and always remember,<br />Love isn't just for a day"<br /><br />The first Yes we owe to would be to God, and it is to this Yes that i return to when things are rough, and i don't understand or seem able to cope with whatever's swirling about me and i feel all alone.<br />Comforted by His love and assurances, i come to realise that much as i trust Him more than i trust myself, He is inviting me to learn to trust myself as a beloved of His, gifted, empowered, enabled. It doesn't mean i won't make mistakes along the way, but it does mean, that no matter the mistake or wrong turns i make, with Him in me and by my side, i can pick myself up and go back on the path and learn from Him.<br /><br />Lately, i've been reflecting on this a lot - Matthew 11 :29 as i m struck by the gentleness and humility of Christ's heart and i sense a calling to imitate those qualities in my work and ministry efforts. Much i have to learn from those around me, but above all, my love is for God and His truth.<br /><p style="font-style: italic;">'Shoulder my yoke and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will<span style="text-decoration: underline;"></span> find rest for your souls.'</p></div>the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-76224011928382210022011-10-24T06:27:00.000-07:002011-10-24T06:51:14.919-07:00A cynic is a failed idealist<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX3Saj-R6E59QLDg6nhDvA6LN4xN0ZqtU5I0TCCfFAn8XUElOXu5i2NSRTHFMaYbEQMWk2KFSBTcQ4izTnbK17Abptw3wuFnUoVm5yPO0IUzZcRrdscBjJ-m4pnEDYPHioiiw-FHnVzXQ/s1600/cynicism.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX3Saj-R6E59QLDg6nhDvA6LN4xN0ZqtU5I0TCCfFAn8XUElOXu5i2NSRTHFMaYbEQMWk2KFSBTcQ4izTnbK17Abptw3wuFnUoVm5yPO0IUzZcRrdscBjJ-m4pnEDYPHioiiw-FHnVzXQ/s400/cynicism.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5667053422528753634" border="0" /></a><br />(taken from <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0BQzvAKIQHqtgoitQXrhp53RkKZKdSG0xkGfeeFCMbHXGY8hreBYPdlv5em_2F3NnQGgxpa-fImM9sJgMroBmzDXEUXtLpN2DOkIycw2_BXKosADahFZfKjGtjPhoRioSdYxR79gf9cI/s400/cynicism.jpg">here</a>)<br /><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">A blog post after a long, long time - and inspired by Fr Simon's homily last Sunday :-<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">A cynic is failed idealist. </span><br /><br />Thinking out loud here, as a former idealist (not a failed one, i would hope), it's probably because it's frightening to let go of all those impressions and illusions that one holds dear about people and the things around us. So when things go wrong and people fail to measure up, it's a lot easier to descend into cynicism and say nothing works at all and everything's in a mess and why bother trying anyway because in the end, things will just turn ugly anyhow.<br /><br />It takes a lot more courage to reach out of that Pollyanna-like state *sunshine roses and all things sweet* to move into realism which is not necessarily something dark, grim but one that accepts and acknowledges the good and the bad in life. That to me is living with grace, to take both, to give thanks in both and to not lose hold on a spirit that wills to make not just my life, but the lives of the people around me that little bit better.<br /><br />And when you're so bitter and so cynical - as the poster says, chances are good, you want something so bad and you're not getting it and so you give up and sink into this state of being ... just because it's <span style="font-style: italic;">easier. </span><br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-2RQ9g5aMVHL7aCifX4x5EO8Fr6FIUQQqlpHR4InJu2EAOCkZ34gMScymy1HIe1TZa3VtgpYT1K1qcsR604-xrdhiBVAcw3baf4JRo5_Zkell2c9MbgB_4R8KopodMliDy5ZOya8DKUY/s1600/cynicism.jpg"><br /></a>the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-27375943492917498452011-09-12T06:28:00.000-07:002011-09-12T07:43:27.856-07:00Family Tree - Matthew West<div style="text-align: center;"><iframe src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/-opi1Qre8Cc" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="345" width="420"></iframe><br /><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">Except for the Vampire Diaries references, this song is super awesome, and it made me cry the first time I heard it on the radio.<br /><br />For those who suffer the burdens of sins passed down from the family tree, take heart that God has a plan for all of us and that He loves us. When you first realise it, you will be filled with resentment and yet, beyond that resentment, is a calling to overcome and prevail, and to put the past in its proper place. There will be many tears and recriminations, only our own flesh and blood has such power to destroy for such an extended period of time, with no let up seemingly. Strangers we can brush by, our friends perhaps a little less so. But the wounds our family inflicts stay for the longest time, til they become part of our personhood, woven into our stories, bright eyed indignation to muffled cries at night and an inchoate feeling of dissatisfaction and anger and unsettledness.<br /><br />Even then, deep down, who has not truly desired leaving a legacy that is meaningful? To bring about new life? That natural instinct springs from deep within us, finding ways to override all that disappointment and failures before. And that instinct can only find its complete fulfilment in Christ, who first leads us to realising that there is a bigger life ahead,a truer, deeper and much more lovely life that begins in forgiveness.<br /><br />Sometimes i think - those who hurt us, provide the wood for us us to build a bridge to understanding others better. Each time we seek to forgive, we nail the pieces of wood together and make them sturdy, something constructive, not just ugly pieces of driftwood, useless and full of splinters.<br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div></div>the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3169273910383269891.post-25584927645838318902011-08-29T07:44:00.000-07:002011-08-29T07:54:58.370-07:00MetanoiaMetanoia =A Change of Heart. A Change of Outlook. Recognising the wounds and asking for healing, in all areas of life - be it work or love or family or outmoded ideas which need to be discarded.
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<br />And above all, remembering that whatever is true can sometimes sting, but first make the truth your own. Before you can listen to the voices outside, learn to listen to the voice within struggling to make itself heard above the din of expectations, praise, blame, guilt and so on. And when the peace settles in slowly, and you stop thrashing about vainly to stop the pain and frustration, you begin to find clarity of heart and mind, and then slowly - answers.
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<br />We turn our faces away from the sun, shielding our eyes, and yet, we are still drawn to the God of light and love. The entire slant, angle of our posture, bodies and souls, facing Him and gazing upon Him in awe, wonder and gratitude. The love which spills into all our actions and thoughts.
<br />the Sojournerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07813621905539700019noreply@blogger.com0