Metanoia =A Change of Heart. A Change of Outlook. Recognising the wounds and asking for healing, in all areas of life - be it work or love or family or outmoded ideas which need to be discarded.
And above all, remembering that whatever is true can sometimes sting, but first make the truth your own. Before you can listen to the voices outside, learn to listen to the voice within struggling to make itself heard above the din of expectations, praise, blame, guilt and so on. And when the peace settles in slowly, and you stop thrashing about vainly to stop the pain and frustration, you begin to find clarity of heart and mind, and then slowly - answers.
We turn our faces away from the sun, shielding our eyes, and yet, we are still drawn to the God of light and love. The entire slant, angle of our posture, bodies and souls, facing Him and gazing upon Him in awe, wonder and gratitude. The love which spills into all our actions and thoughts.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
I celebrated my 28th Birthday not too long ago - and one of the discoveries I made on that day was that I'm thankful for the well-wishes given me by my friends and family via sms,email and of course, the ubiquitous fb. So many wishes that I am yet to reply to - thank you for your patience and kindness.
But more importantly was the discovery that hey, my birthday is just another day and that whatever happens, good or bad, the day WILL pass into the next. I used to get so upset when people forgot my significant day or made things difficult for me etc on that day especially but now I accept it. Not with a desolate resignation but simply recognising that the world doesn't revolve around me. Life isn't obliged to be nice to me. Whatever is good I accept graciously, whatever is bad I try and learn from it, and not cling too tightly to it for danger of blinding myself to my present blessings.
So to the more adult self - think of St Therese Lisieux at her moment of conversion in her youth, praise be to God. I will pray for strength and wisdom to tide the days ahead.
My grandma is in the hospital after having coughed up blood - reminiscences of the time she was warded in the CCU when I was in 3rd year of law school and when she was so very ill. We are all worried and upset, considering that she just celebrated 60 years of marriage to my grandfather last Thursday. And yet, hope by prayer is what keeps us going.
There are no guarantees in this fragile existence granted us. The important thing is to be of good courage and cheer and to face the troubles head on. Happiness is fleeting, but joy sits in the heart and propels us forward from within even when things are at a loss outwardly.
I am glad I am around at home to help out and to spend time with her in the hospital - such a blessing it is, indeed, to be able to serve and love our family in person even in the middle of difficult moments! Would I have traded all those moments I spent with my grandparents with fun and 'happening' moments elsewhere? Even to running further and further ahead career wise? No, and the certainty of this conviction eases my doubts about my major decision earlier.