Sunday, September 23, 2012

Daring to ask the hard questions

I'm at a bit of a loose end. A lot has happened in my life since I last wrote and the fruit of my thoughts are below:- 

*warning: free association writing* 

Do I actually dare to ask myself and to ask God the hard questions? And to listen to what the answers might bring me? To someplace I don't want to go, like St Peter? What if what He demands much more of me than I am willing to give? What if all I've been doing before this is a waste and a colossal mistake?

No wallowing, but the tears at the chapel/prayer room are real ... and with them, the sense of waiting for the clouds to part, and for me to listen more to what and who I am, the courage to pursue what I really believe in and to build on the person I am. Not to keep on apologising to the world for who I am but to embrace, accept and grow the gifts I have been given. 
What am I waiting for?

More than an image,
Bigger than a perception, or steoreotypes, or whatever boxes or lines you want to put around me, 
Greater than what you think I stand for, or who I'm all about...
I am who I am. 

A tremendous struggle it's been. Wombat like I would like to curl up in a corner, but there is a life to keep living. And a self to listen to. And to love. 

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