In fast forward / In slow motion

Frail, fragile body encasing an iron heart, 
and a mind sharper than steel,
I watched your spine bend and curve. 
What to make of your last moments
that giving way in fast forward? 
From the easy chair to that old spring-laden bed, 
which you could barely come out of,
you went to that dim dark hospital room,
and reduced 
you to nothing more
than squiggly lines and masses of beeps. 
You were aware to the end, 
fast forwarded. that passing over. 

And the one you loved the most, 
he has forgotten who we are, 
those strange blank faces he smiles at. 
He neither walks nor talks much ,
the words are nothing more than syllables
his lips cannot pronounce anymore,
the days he spends no more than sleep, 
dreamless? 
maybe deep inside somewhere 
in a place where he can speak, think, be as before, 
he dreams of you, 
he inches along to catch up with you, 
in slow motion. that passing over. 

*For my grandparents - my late grandmother, and my grandfather* 

The pieces that didn't quite fit

A long time ago, you were fragile, emerging from behind a shy glance,

you came out to meet the world,

which greeted you with nothing more than taunts and jeers,

you had no name, you began to believe you didn't deserve one.

bit by bit, you began to see that so many pieces didn't fit, 

they said so, they think im weird, they think i m a loser 

and you tore them off your being, flung them far, far away,

pretended it was ok

apart from the tears at night,

you thought it was loneliness, 

you always wanted to belong, 

but those were the tears of a betrayed self.

Years pass before you bring the broken pieces

of what remains of yourself,

and lay it before this compassionate presence,

whom you only dimly perceived before.

no more the judge, the policeman, the accountant,

keeping track of wrongdoing and mistake.

now watch, this Father has kept, precious, pure, 

those parts you had cast aside,

where have those jagged edges gone? 

smoothening the cracks and zig zag lines,

in His light, they take on a beauty that He has seen and known,

they remind you that you were loved. you are loved.

and gently, oh so gently, He shows you

where each piece belongs in and of you,

the past, the present, the form of the future.  

the Father never forgot the wholeness of who you were. 

*Written in honour of the feastday of St Ignatius of Loyola - 31 July 2012* 

Unconditional love?

i think i'm in love ... again.

and you'd think that after all this while you'd learned your lessons,

a broken heart, shattered expectations,

promises left unkept.

no but really, this time i think it's different.

how is that so?

you know that old saying, If you love someone, set them free and if they come back to you, then you'll know it was meant to be.

and ...

it's just another way of expressing unconditional love.

Lenten Reflection - part i

i was not weeping at the cross,

unlike the Mother of our Lord and

the women of Jerusalem.

They believed in Someone,

believed that Something would come to pass.

And i, pushing past the people,

grabbed the body, slippery in blood

and spittle from the scornful

unbelievers gathered round,

gnarled with a thousand whip lashes,

grabbed it,

screamed

"Where were You, God,

Where were You when it mattered most?"

and ended with a cry

primitive, primeval, an ache beyond words,

so did the Christ cry out with me.

Chasing after Bubbles

She's chasing after bubbles,

floating by so prettily, lighter than the air,

shimmery transparent orbs

a million blended shades of purple pink and blue on the edges,

She's going to catch those bubbles and

keep them safe and round in her chubby palms.

But the closer she gets, the sooner it pops,

one by one by one,

it's a little upsetting, but she'll keep on trying,

jogs a bit and then giggles a lot

and the sun winks down at her,

bouncing off a tiny bubble that first

escaped her view,

she winks back and reaches out

and sees it disappear.

*pic credits here*

Christ in the Candlelight

Christ in the Candlelight

i am looking into candlelight,
while i hold it firmly, rosary clasped in the other hand,
and gazing longer, i am mesmerized
bedazzled, beguiled by its slim beauty,
a column of yellow light tipped faint blue,
and i am reminded of Christ, mesmerized,
bedazzled, beguiled by His beauty,
the simple Son of God who is love.
the flame flickers, dances, moves in tune
with the singing wind, but never dies out,
and such is my Lord, fully alive,
living each day with passionate intensity,
that He reminds me His coming is
to give us abundant life, and an abandonment of death.
oh warm indeed is His light from the candle,
warm His words that comfort and heal,
warm His spirit and touch.

*inspired by the Candlelight Rosary/Eucharistic Adoration at SIC, Singapore - 29.10.2010*
picture credits here

Someday I will

Someday I will thank you for unanswered prayers,
Those wishes and hopes that have faded with time,
Someday I will thank you for chastising and cleansing,
My sins and ill habits have formed a thick layer of grime.

Someday I will sing a song of mourning that turns into praise,
Seeing you in all things makes me lift up my eyes,
Someday I will bless you in the midst of my tears,
For farewells to loved ones are never permanent goodbyes.

Someday I will, Lord, and grant me the grace always,
to revere, serve and love you all of my days,
Let then, this Someday, Lord, be realised today,
This Your servant asks and humbly prays.

AMEN.

(the picture above is by David Dillon and it's called 'To the Horizon' - more details available here)