Updates - from surviving to thriving - the Serenity Prayer

This is one of those brief posts where I realise that I've not updated this little space on the Interwebs for a very long time and since I'm now on extended Christmas leave and catching my breath, it's probably the best time for me to do that. 

The period of being at a loose end has come to an end (pun not intended) and it's about time to move on. I did ask me the hard questions and part of them were answered as I would describe more fully, in the second part of this post. I was also helped by a series of particularly enlightening conversations with a partner in the law firm where I work, which has opened my eyes to a new way of doing things and understanding what life is all about. 

Suffice to say, it is only by God's grace that I pulled thru this particularly difficult time, in which He saw fit to give me a nice new Nokia Lumia 800 smartphone via the St Ignatius church Junior Youth Ministry raffle ticket draw. I was reading 'the Hobbit' on a fine Sunday morning when I got the call telling me I won the phone - which I instantly thought was a scam! Haha. Luckily despite the boy selling the raffle tickets calling me 'aunty' (wth!), I bought 2 books and well ... God knew I needed that little pick-me-up, as He always knows.  

It's not a perfect phone, but hey, it's good enough for me. And it has a GPS, which I instantly dubbed Moses (to lead me to the Promised Land). So far Moses has been all right, except for the few times when it's been quite stupid, taking me further into Puchong rather than back to Damansara. Times like these I tell Moses to stuff it and just drive my merry way. 

*** 

From surviving to thriving. I did find my answers to the hard questions in the session with Fr Matt Linn SJ end November. I discovered I enjoy making the intangible tangible. To crystallise ideas into words and concepts into narrative. 

That explains why despite the struggles I face, I am still in this profession that I am in. I find that it always begins with an idea or many ideas - what gives me joy is helping clients to clarify, crystallise and formulate their ideas using words and from there, make their ideas happen. The process is sometimes long drawn-out, and often difficult (esp where there is no precedent) but oh my, the beauty of something concluded, completed. And of course, seeking clarity in the morass of documents and papers in a due diligence exercise. It gives me that satisfaction that goes beyond the mere ka-ching of an invoice that has been settled. 

Needless to say, the care of people underscores all I have done before and all I wish to do, in the future. An expression of love, far beyond the bottomline - of which I acknowledge its due importance, that is what I am striving for. 

***

Forgiveness begins to happen when you realise you can't control people's responses and reactions. You can't force people to be kind or to love, you can only be kind to yourself and to them. One of the other things that has helped immensely thru this time has been the Serenity Prayer, and I reproduce below the original Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Neibuhr:- 

GOD, grant me the serenity

to accept the thingsI cannot change, 
Courage to change thethings I can, and thewisdom to know the difference. 
Living one day at a time;Enjoying one moment at a time;Accepting hardship as thepathway to peace. 
Taking, as He did, thissinful world as it is, not as I would have it. 
Trusting that He will makeall things right if Isurrender to His Will; 
That I may be reasonably happyin this life, and supremelyhappy with Him forever inthe next. 
Amen

The pieces that didn't quite fit

A long time ago, you were fragile, emerging from behind a shy glance,

you came out to meet the world,

which greeted you with nothing more than taunts and jeers,

you had no name, you began to believe you didn't deserve one.

bit by bit, you began to see that so many pieces didn't fit, 

they said so, they think im weird, they think i m a loser 

and you tore them off your being, flung them far, far away,

pretended it was ok

apart from the tears at night,

you thought it was loneliness, 

you always wanted to belong, 

but those were the tears of a betrayed self.

Years pass before you bring the broken pieces

of what remains of yourself,

and lay it before this compassionate presence,

whom you only dimly perceived before.

no more the judge, the policeman, the accountant,

keeping track of wrongdoing and mistake.

now watch, this Father has kept, precious, pure, 

those parts you had cast aside,

where have those jagged edges gone? 

smoothening the cracks and zig zag lines,

in His light, they take on a beauty that He has seen and known,

they remind you that you were loved. you are loved.

and gently, oh so gently, He shows you

where each piece belongs in and of you,

the past, the present, the form of the future.  

the Father never forgot the wholeness of who you were. 

*Written in honour of the feastday of St Ignatius of Loyola - 31 July 2012* 

Updates / That wordless love / Paper v Touchscreen ***

Hello all,
it's been ages since I last updated this little space of mine on the web - a job change is what I'd like to share. 
To be honest, nobody is more surprised than I am that I am still in legal practice. If you have known me for that long and have been following my story, you would know that I never did see myself as particularly lawyerly - not too polished, slick, clever at buttering up or sharply dressed, or cunning. Or brutal, tough and conscience less, as popular view would have you believe it. 
But here I am, in practice again, working at the kind of place I didn't think I would belong in (large firm with a flurry of activity and movement and all sorts of people, from the ultra happening to the quirky to the quiet) and learning as much and as best as I can everyday. 
I do believe that God has a purpose for me to be there and in as much as there are some pretty rough days and weeks, my corpus of experience (and felt knowledge) is increasing and when the time is right, I shall be able to move on to the next stage of my life to assist others in enriching their own knowledge and carve their paths out. 
*trusting Him and knowing when the time is right* 


*** 


That wordless love - where only action can bring it into the light. 
you didn't have to, you didn't need to. but you still did.
and after a lifetime of deafness, i think i m finally learning to listen and know that in those things you did and have been doing, you were saying 'I love you' in the best way you could.


Thank you. 


***


Prayer time had been about using my smartphone - scrolling down the touchscreen to read the day's readings and reciting the prayers off the screen. 
And every now and then using the Pray-As-You-Go podcast, which I would admit has been wonderful and it's so compact, guiding you through 15 minutes (or so) of the day's reading with stirring music as accompaniment and reflective prayer. 
But nothing beats the good old fashioned paper and ink devotional and my 500 grams Bible - as I flip through the pages, I am reminded why we are a sacramental people and that it is in these very tangible and real things that we find closeness and healing and peace. 


I'll probably go on with both, and as the days become busier and rest periods shorter and shorter, I need to remember, the first fruits belong to Him, and to Him be all praise, honour and glory.


AMDG! 

Of Ignatiusising and Why I love Ignatian Spirituality so much - part i

picture taken from here

It was a friend from Singapore who remarked that I seem extremely fond of 'Ignatiusising' - which is another way of saying I flood his FB newsfeed with posts on Ignatian spirituality. This got me thinking about just what it is about Ignatian spirituality that I love so much that draws me to it and leaves me wanting more and wanting to share all about it.

Well, the first thing that drew me in was the fact that God is to be found in everything, even and especially my emotions and imagination. And besides that, even more significantly, in the parts my life and self that I consider messed up and broken, and that I'm ashamed of. I think there is something very reassuring about knowing that God is there, amidst the crevices and cracks and that He is waiting for me.

More so that nothing in me, or in my life has been a waste, even the most humiliating and painful occurrences, the type that I m still coming to terms with and understanding - are not a waste, as God is there too. Accepting my past has helped me accept my self too, and with it, the knowledge that together with my Creator, the present and future are still open to change and growth.

As I journeyed on, in my practice of the Examen (i try to do it at least once a day, at night before I sleep), I discovered the joy of imaginative contemplation prayer. And There has been No Looking Back hence :)

to be continued ...

Unconditional love?

i think i'm in love ... again.

and you'd think that after all this while you'd learned your lessons,

a broken heart, shattered expectations,

promises left unkept.

no but really, this time i think it's different.

how is that so?

you know that old saying, If you love someone, set them free and if they come back to you, then you'll know it was meant to be.

and ...

it's just another way of expressing unconditional love.

Prayer - Loving from a distance

(the usual drill - credits for the pix here)

There will be times when others hurt us so badly that we're left reeling in shock,

flailing about and struggling to come to terms with what happened.

And the commandment to love seems nothing more than an impossible mockery,

something beyond our capabilities. We scream out for justice. Vengeance.

Or sit in a stunned silence, unable to respond, numb to everything.

It is in those times that I've found, prayer is loving such people from a distance.

In time, through this prayer, although the distance remains, we find forgiveness and peace.

We find that loving is not an impossible task, simply that we need to draw upon God to open our hearts

and His infinite source and supply of love. He supplies the grace, it is for us to yield to Him.

The painful feelings and memories. will be there, but they are never the end of the matter.

What is forgiveness then but another facet of love?

And forgiveness, I have found, is not just my matter,

but His, all in all.

Christmas Reflection 2011

*picture credits here*

It has been a very busy Advent for me, the kind that sets off and starts out with hustle and much more bustle :-

1. on the work front - changes in my job scope and a fresh set of challenges;

2. CG, wrapping up for 2011 and preparing for 2012, and sending off one of our dear brothers in Christ, George;

3. tidying up the house here in KD and preparing for homecoming as my aunt, uncle and cousins come back for a Christmas visit.

...

and preparing to meet the Christ child, somehow, at the back of my heart and mind, underneath all this running around and chaos. Year after year, I know it:-

the angel appears, Mary says Yes, Jesus is born, the angels sing, the shepherds come and worship, then the 3 wise men and then Christ is presented to Simeon ... I can recite these events in quick succession.

But what does it all mean? I've spent very little time thinking about this, and even less praying about this. Instead, I've accepted this sequence of events - one leading to another - to finally end on the Cross and the Resurrection 3 days after.

And so I wait, as I have been told, Advent is the season to wait for Christ's birth and His coming as a child. In darker moments, I wonder what exactly I am waiting for, sorely tempted to bury myself in the restless rush of presents, parties, food, festive fun. Or work, in a more sadistic frame of mind.

Until one fine day, when dried and drained out by all the giving giving giving that everyone has demanded so far, I just sit in silence, all by myself before the Blessed Sacrament. Nursing the remnants of the flu, there's only my sniffling slightly and the quiet of the place. So much louder and more eloquent than any words anyone could say. I hear nothing else, but I leave with a sense of peace and a comforted heart. No answers, but just that.

I was thinking : let me be content with that then. Then, 2 days later, circling a parking lot in vain for a space, deep within me, a sense of God's love suffusing within my heart. The words of Isaiah 43 echo - that He regards me as precious, and has given people in exchange for me, and nations in return for my life. Suddenly, His love overwhelmed me and I realised how little I understood its depth and breadth. Over mountains, into seas of flames, He would pursue me, calling out my name over and over till He was hoarse and in the end, die for me.

In this discovery of love did I enter into the scene at the manger. Tentatively, shyly (here I was year in, year out, calling myself a believing, practising Catholic and yet not appreciating this miracle), I came forward.

The Blessed Virgin smiled at me warmly. She beckoned me to come closer and invited me, "Here, touch his cheeks". So I gently placed my hands on the Christchild's cheeks, this newborn. Divine. And yet in that moment, so vulnerable. I felt my breath lost in the beauty of the moment, the sheer hopefulness. New life began here - at this very point and both Mother Mary and Christ invited me in.

I could read the Christmas story over and over again, but until I myself came in and saw Him there, it was always something outside of me, the wrapping on a present I paid scarce attention to. But now I know, the birth of Christ is the gift itself.

Wishing all of you a truly blessed Christmas and that may you experience His love more and more in the coming year.

All that we have

"Sometimes the road may be lonesome,
Often we may lose our way,
But take courage and always remember,
Love isn't just for a day"

The first Yes we owe to would be to God, and it is to this Yes that i return to when things are rough, and i don't understand or seem able to cope with whatever's swirling about me and i feel all alone.
Comforted by His love and assurances, i come to realise that much as i trust Him more than i trust myself, He is inviting me to learn to trust myself as a beloved of His, gifted, empowered, enabled. It doesn't mean i won't make mistakes along the way, but it does mean, that no matter the mistake or wrong turns i make, with Him in me and by my side, i can pick myself up and go back on the path and learn from Him.

Lately, i've been reflecting on this a lot - Matthew 11 :29 as i m struck by the gentleness and humility of Christ's heart and i sense a calling to imitate those qualities in my work and ministry efforts. Much i have to learn from those around me, but above all, my love is for God and His truth.

'Shoulder my yoke and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.'

Family Tree - Matthew West

Except for the Vampire Diaries references, this song is super awesome, and it made me cry the first time I heard it on the radio.

For those who suffer the burdens of sins passed down from the family tree, take heart that God has a plan for all of us and that He loves us. When you first realise it, you will be filled with resentment and yet, beyond that resentment, is a calling to overcome and prevail, and to put the past in its proper place. There will be many tears and recriminations, only our own flesh and blood has such power to destroy for such an extended period of time, with no let up seemingly. Strangers we can brush by, our friends perhaps a little less so. But the wounds our family inflicts stay for the longest time, til they become part of our personhood, woven into our stories, bright eyed indignation to muffled cries at night and an inchoate feeling of dissatisfaction and anger and unsettledness.

Even then, deep down, who has not truly desired leaving a legacy that is meaningful? To bring about new life? That natural instinct springs from deep within us, finding ways to override all that disappointment and failures before. And that instinct can only find its complete fulfilment in Christ, who first leads us to realising that there is a bigger life ahead,a truer, deeper and much more lovely life that begins in forgiveness.

Sometimes i think - those who hurt us, provide the wood for us us to build a bridge to understanding others better. Each time we seek to forgive, we nail the pieces of wood together and make them sturdy, something constructive, not just ugly pieces of driftwood, useless and full of splinters.

Metanoia

Metanoia =A Change of Heart. A Change of Outlook. Recognising the wounds and asking for healing, in all areas of life - be it work or love or family or outmoded ideas which need to be discarded.

And above all, remembering that whatever is true can sometimes sting, but first make the truth your own. Before you can listen to the voices outside, learn to listen to the voice within struggling to make itself heard above the din of expectations, praise, blame, guilt and so on. And when the peace settles in slowly, and you stop thrashing about vainly to stop the pain and frustration, you begin to find clarity of heart and mind, and then slowly - answers.

We turn our faces away from the sun, shielding our eyes, and yet, we are still drawn to the God of light and love. The entire slant, angle of our posture, bodies and souls, facing Him and gazing upon Him in awe, wonder and gratitude. The love which spills into all our actions and thoughts.

Putting my hand to the plough

Putting one's hand to the plough - picture credits here.

Luke 9:62 -Jesus said to him, 'Once the hand is laid on the plough, no one who looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.'

It is human nature to look back after a decision is made - think of Lot's wife, perhaps she only glanced back when they were fleeing Sodom and Gomorrah and yet, how swiftly she was turned into a pillar of salt! Was her transformation into that self-same pillar the mark of a vengeful and exacting God who demands that we follow His instructions to the letter or simply a natural consequence of her own inner division which made her unable to let go of the life and place she knew before?

Undoubtedly the Lord does place demands on all of us, the life of a Christian disciple is marked by both affirmations (of love) and challenges - and this point is canvassed at greater length here. It follows that obedience is required to live this life out fully. Obedience is one of the ways to overcome the inner division inside all of us, that we are not as different from Lot's wife as we might think we are.

I know I am loved by God, and that He has sent me here, home for a purpose, and in obedience to His good plan for me, I want to learn from the steadfastness that Jesus teaches and not look back. Sometimes I wonder at what I have given up, and memories of a time back in 2004 when I had to decide between Law Soc and Catholic Students Society UM (I chose CSSUM, resulting in the most stressful year of law school I went through but the one which God helped me pull through by His grace and mercy) come up again. The reality of the situation is that He has been preparing me all this while, so much so that even when I dread another difficult decision which has to be made - I learn that He is present in every difficult decision and that by plunging whole heartedly into it, I am entering fully into the moment with Him and learning to be more and more like Him.

Yes, a decision has been made and with it, the knowledge that I need to put my hand to the plough and be brave and not look back. Look ahead bravely. On a less serious note, as my grandma said, if God really wanted us to look back, He would have given us eyes at the back of our head! One slow small step at a time now ...

Letting the heart catch up

The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of - Blaise Pascal

As Pascal quite rightly pointed out, the heart and reason run on separate lines - and often, the mind is way ahead of the heart. This is most true when it comes to forgiveness, or what we think is forgiveness. Yes, we know that not forgiving is bad for you. It's wrong to hold grudges, it's best to let go and let bygones be bygones. You can't change the past. It's over anyway. And so your mind has neatly worked it out and you congratulate yourself for being able to let go.

Oho. Come the heart, which never forgets. Which feels the sting of injustice and seethes with anger over wrongs done and endured. Time is not the great healer, it only numbs. So when you do look and feel deeper, to your horror, you find that you are still angry. Unforgiving. Resentful. How and why?

And so, we know truth, not only by reason, but also by the heart. Pascal comes to the rescue again. The truth is that we have rationalised the issue, but not forgiven. Forgiveness needs to come from the heart, to be true, and this can take a very long time, especially where the hurts are deep and long-running. We need to let our hearts catch up with our minds and its splendid reasons to forgive and let go. And we can start by acknowledging the extent of our efforts this far without going in deeper is akin to putting a band aid on a breaking heart. Someday we're going to bleed to death and we wouldn't even know why.

Walking around wounded we are, that's what.

(picture credits here)

Moving in the vague direction of OK

(image taken from here)

Imagine if you lived in a room that was enveloped in darkness, and after awhile you got used to the blackness and gloom. You wondered if there was even a need for light, although you did at times, think it would be nice if you stopped stumbling after awhile and could see what you or your room looked like.

Now imagine if one fine day, you drew open the curtains and sunlight came streaming in.
And imagine your gladness at something to brighten your living space, for you to be able to see your face.
And then imagine your horror and disgust at the amount of cobwebs, dust and dirt all about you, which had been invisible before and though you felt them, you pretended to ignore them because you could not see them. You were filled with revulsion, wondering how you had been able to live like that before - you managed through ignorance. But now, what excuse had you to stay in such filthy conditions?

***

This is the upshot of praying and asking God's light to illumine your heart, soul, strength and mind via the Examen. When He answers your prayer, you begin to see just how tormented and ugly and sinful you are inside, weak to the core. At this point of despair and sorrow, stay with what you feel - don't run away. Stay with it, knowing He is there and that He loves you all the same.

It is an opening of our consciousness to begin seeing our blind spots, things which didn't seem problematic before, but now are seen to be issues that need addressing. It is a realisation that we thought we were moving in the vague direction of 'O.K' but actually we are miles away from being as pure and holy as God's children are called to be.

Yes, it is extremely disheartening to know and realise this, and to be in such pain at the same time... and yet, pain tells me it is simply intolerable to carry on in this manner, and I am comforted by the fact that His grace takes me from day to day. Looks like there are no two ways about it, either come to terms with the pain or live in ignorance. And in spite of the wrenching, twisting feeling, I join Him in via dolorosa - the way of the Cross. After years swinging between fragility and pretended strength, I turn and look at Him and see finally, a pure unconditional love ready to take me through the rest of this life, forming me to be even more like Him.

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Kahlil Gibran
There is no coming to consciousness without pain.
Carl Jung

Someday I will

Someday I will thank you for unanswered prayers,
Those wishes and hopes that have faded with time,
Someday I will thank you for chastising and cleansing,
My sins and ill habits have formed a thick layer of grime.

Someday I will sing a song of mourning that turns into praise,
Seeing you in all things makes me lift up my eyes,
Someday I will bless you in the midst of my tears,
For farewells to loved ones are never permanent goodbyes.

Someday I will, Lord, and grant me the grace always,
to revere, serve and love you all of my days,
Let then, this Someday, Lord, be realised today,
This Your servant asks and humbly prays.

AMEN.

(the picture above is by David Dillon and it's called 'To the Horizon' - more details available here)

Journeying together as a Christian community

(pic taken from here - COMMUNITY)

In so many ways, we belong to different communities throughout our lives - neighbourhood, school, work among others. But today let's turn our attention to the Christian community.

Ideally, the Christian community has at its foundation: the reverence and praise of God - Father, Son and Holy Spirit. This is shown in many different ways, from acts of service to the poor via the St Vincent de Paul and Blessed Frederic Ozanam societies to meditation or charismatic prayer together to singing in the church choir. There are so many different ways we can join up to serve, praise and worship Him.

Having said that, we each all have our own faith journeys: there are battles we need to fight alone and the darkness in our souls we need to confront by ourselves. There is an inner dimension to every human soul, but there is also an outer dimension which calls for belonging to a group to feed our need for social contact.

Therefore, we journey together as a Christian community via BEC groups or CGs (Cell/Care Groups). Yes, we can love and serve God together. Yet what do we make of it when everything is kept to a surface level and we know nothing beyond name and face? To journey together is to show another facet of God's love besides service, which is compassionate love and acceptance.

It begins with breaking out of our comfort zones to speak to others in our community and to get to know them better. You ask, isn't this being nosy? Well, if done as an act of outreach, i think that has no basis at all!
(On a personal note, I find it hard to talk to people sometimes, especially when I'm feeling introverted and vulnerable - but when I remember that there were kind souls who reached out, to me I'm inspired by His touch in my life and find it in me. We don't all need to be super extroverted, but a smile works wonders for a start.)
Inclusiveness is difficult - sometimes the blunt edge of rejection shows itself up in subtle ways, still, draw others in - as how Jesus drew Peter and the apostles in through His love and example.

The creation of a safe environment where listening to each other in a state of respect is also important. I know, you don't have to agree with what's being said, but give the others space to be who they are and what they say - it takes patience and a good dollop of charity, most of the time!

And above all, prayer and perseverance. No community is perfect, and at times, I struggle to accept my own weaknesses and those of others, particularly where I have been hurt, or where I have hurt others. It's easy to feel isolated and left out, but press on in a spirit of prayerful trust. The growth of a community is not dependent on everyone being the same, but each of us bringing to the table our different gifts and quirks.
In times when no one seems to care, and you're left all alone, or with only one person by your side, take heart in the words of Scripture:-

"For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them."
Matt 18:20

Don't be daunted, for He is there - and with prayer, grace and effort on our parts, we can come to know and love our sisters and brothers more greatly and join them to pray with them and for them amidst the trials of daily life.

*Dedicated to Star of the Sea CG members especially and Lifeline SFX PJ- thank you all for showing me what it means to journey together as a Christian community, may we all continue to shine for Him!*

World Suicide Prevention Day

(pic taken from here -another well-written article)

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day.

There are a ton of excellent websites on suicide and its prevention, you can start here. It's easy reading, very approachable and friendly and it also has other resources re handling suicidal calls as well as various other online resources.

But in the simplest terms, what can you and i do to prevent suicide?

We can watch out for warning signs in the people around us :-

• Death or terminal illness of relative or friend.
• Divorce, separation, broken relationship, stress on family.
• Loss of health (real or imaginary).
• Loss of job, home, money, status, self-esteem, personal security.
• Alcohol or drug abuse.
• Depression

and more importantly, take them seriously. It's very important not to dismiss them as a sign of weakness or worse, gloss them over just to make ourselves better. (because we don't know what to do or to say)
Real life is messy,and sometimes are no simple solutions and what seems something small to us may often be difficult for someone else. Let's not compare, but be compassionate, always.

And if we recognise that we are in over our head, there are many volunteer counselling services we can refer to our suffering friends and family - the Befrienders and the Samaritans are 2 fine examples. Perhaps what we can do is to encourage them and to reassure them they are not weak/stupid/foolish for asking for help as well as to help them with the actual mechanics of getting in touch with the counsellors.

(do read here for an expanded write up on what you can do to help someone who may be suicidal)

In summary, suicide is not courageous. It is choosing to reject the gift of life. But before we label people with suicidal tendencies as cowards who run away or sinners who are doomed to hell, at least let us try to understand where they are at and help them to move a little closer to the light.
The best way they can do that is if someone first cares and can see the pain they are going through and extends a loving hand towards them to pull them back from the brink.

“It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure."

-Joseph Campbell-

For any of us out there suffering under the burdens life has placed on us to the point of crumbling, know that we can move ahead, we can find wonder and goodness and growth from that lowest point in our lives. Let us strive to choose life always!

Prayer : ACTS and Beyond

(picture taken from here)

It's Friday again - and today I managed to attend the NUS CSS Law CG meeting again(!) after finally finishing off with Comparative and International Competition Law.

Today we shared on prayer and what it means. Jon explained that prayer was our means of communication with God. He introduced the A-C-T-S formula of prayer as follow:-

A - Adoration
C - Contrition
T - Thanksgiving
S - Supplication

Adoration is basically the act of adoring God as one who loves Him.
Contrition is the act of confessing and feeling sorry for our sins which have hurt and offended Him.
Thanksgiving would be giving thanks to the giver of all good blessings in our life, God.
Supplication is offering everything to God - our petitions, requests, work : anything and everything.

I could not help but be reminded of the Church's ancient definition of prayer as stated in the Catechism of the Catholic Church:-
2559 "Prayer is the raising of one's mind and heart to God or the requesting of good things from God."

St Therese of Lisieux beautifully describes prayer :-

For me, prayer is a surge of the heart;
it is a simple look turned toward heaven,
it is a cry of recognition and of love,
embracing both trial and joy.

The ACTS formula, to me, is one which is underscored by love of God and neighbour. Because we love Him, we seek to not only adore Him and lay our supplications before Him, we are also sorry for our sins and faults and seek to thank Him for all good blessings in our life and even those trials which form us into becoming ever more like Him.

Prayer is, in the end, an invitation to a deeper and more authentic relationship with God - and it starts with allowing ourselves to be honest with Him and letting Him into our lives, at every stage and place and time. It is the means by which we unite our hearts, minds and souls with the Lord.

The setting aside of a time and place for a specific form of devotion or prayer in general is wonderful and goes a long way towards making us more prayerful people. However, never underestimate the need to engage God in all of our daily activities - no matter how trivial they seem, and this can be done in ways as simple as speaking to Him in the silence of our hearts while we wait for the bus, ride the MRT, shower, get fed up of reading etc etc (you get the drift!). And when we listen, we might be surprised at what He is telling us.

He who has loved us beyond all understanding will always allow us to find Him through prayer.

Celebrating Blessed Mother Teresa's Birth Anniversary

Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta,
Founder of the Missionaries of Charity

(picture taken from catholicfire.blogspot.com)

26th August 2010 marks the 100th birth anniversary of Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta, the founder of the Missionaries of Charity. She was one of my heroes as i was growing up, a very inspiring woman who still remains close to my heart - and this blog post is dedicated to her in memoriam.

Of course, i was moved greatly by her selfless service to the poorest of the poor, and how she recognised the inherent dignity of those who live on the very edge of society's margins, but the very first thing which struck me about her were her words:-

"Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile."

Those are words i have tried to live by. i especially like the way in which she explained that small things were the basis of her loving service i.e. "In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love." in this regard, she emulated the great saint, St Therese of Lisieux (another one of my heroes, although in more recent times) who emphasised the need to do the smallest deeds with the greatest of love as a true offering to Christ.

Mother Teresa possessed the wonderful quality of persistence based on faith (something i talked about in my previous post below) and this is reflected in her following quotes:-

"God doesn't require us to succeed; he only requires that you try." and
"I do not pray for success, I ask for faithfulness."

Nevertheless, i really only saw her good works for a very long time, and never asked myself what the source of Mother Teresa's generosity and love- i failed to appreciate the depths of her prayer and longing for God:-

"Each time we look upon Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, He raises us up into deeper union with Himself, opens up the floodgates of His merciful love to the whole world, and brings us closer to the day of His final victory "where every knee will bend and proclaim Jesus Christ as Lord". "The reign of God is already in your midst." The coming of Jesus to us in the Eucharist is assurance of His promise of final victory: "BEHOLD, I COME TO MAKE ALL THINGS NEW."

"When the Sisters are exhausted, up to their eyes in work; when all seems to go awry, they spend an hour in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament. This practice has never failed to bear fruit: they experience peace and strength."

At this point in my journey, Mother Teresa's words speak to me still, about the hunger for love which is so apparent in almost all people i meet and which i have felt for so long and the dedication to God my entire self to His service.

"There is a terrible hunger for love. We all experience that in our lives - the pain, the loneliness. We must have the courage to recognize it. The poor you may have right in your own family. Find them. Love them.


"Give yourself fully to God. He will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in His love than in your own weakness."

"Like Jesus we belong to the world living not for ourselves but for others. The joy of the Lord is our strength."


inspired by a modern example of faith in action (all through her dark night of the soul - a topic i will talk about in a later post), we can all learn a thing or two, and strive to bring God's light into the world around us. We can't all go to Calcutta, nor should we, but there may be slums around us which need a helping hand, and there is a burning, aching for love in our midst which we can recognise and reach out towards.

for the transcript of one of Mother Teresa's last few interviews before her death, please click here.
this is where she mentions that she is "a pencil in God's hand" - a metaphor to remember, certainly!

of Love leading on to Faith and Hope

1 Peter 4:8
Above all preserve an intense love for each other, since love covers over many a sin.

it's hard to love, and harder still to love intensely those who cause us the most pain. and intense love is often the doorway to intense pain, as is the case with our loved ones (think of our other half, our family members, our closest friends).
we seem to give the power and permission to those closest to us cut deep into the very fabric of our souls through their words and deeds, whether thoughtless or with malicious intent. and how the wounds bleed ... ! they love marks which no stranger could have ever left.

this is the kind of love which comes with a price - and persistence in such love is built on the foundation of persistent faith and hope that there will come a breakthrough - forgiveness, reconciliation, healing for those who are in such pain they cannot but help wounding others in the process.

this is the kind of love which covers over a multitude of sins. the kind of love our Saviour had for all of us, which we are called to imitate and bring into this world.

what's worth starting is worth ending well. while relationships rupture through sin, we can continue to pray and love as best as we can, trusting in God's promise of healing and wholeness in His own time.

The 7 Deadly Sins

I attended a talk yesterday during the Living Stones Campus Outreach (LSCO) prayer meeting on 'the 7 Deadly Sins' given by Bryan Shen, a lay missionary.

Surprisingly (or not), there was no brimstone and hellfire - instead, Bryan prefaced his talk with the link between psychology, psychiatry and counselling.
Psychiatry = physical abnormalities that affect the mind
Psychology = whatever that affects the psyche (everything subconcious)
Counselling = coping with all the issues in life.

all these 3 elements overlap, and Bryan remarked that often those who have been wounded deeply seek to be in the helping/healing ministry as they have the greatest potential to be healers.
BUT the Devil prevents them from doing so by being The Bearer of False Light (as Lucifer's name meant Bearer of Light).

indeed the work of Evil is to convince us that WRONG is not WRONG, while RIGHT is boring, old-fashioned, unusuble or just plain old wrong.

Evil = Fun and Humour (?!)

now wait a minute, it's actually the OBSESSION with fun that's problematic - as Satan wants us to feel light hearted so that we will not feel the weight of our sin/wrongdoing. while this was a good concept to start off with, somewhere along the line the Church descended into strict penances and bans on laughter and gaiety.
finally St Philip Neri stood up and said 'Laughter has its own good but use it carefully'.

so what ARE the negative effects of excessive fun/humour/laughter?

• the inability to know the difference between funny and wrong
• removes the weight of wrongs done
• increases insensitivity
• increases irresponsibility
• more crucially, it hurts the growth of maturity - unable to understand, reflect and contemplate - clarity of thought remains infantile/undeveloped ...

Ref Luke 6:25 ' Alas for you who are laughing now; you shall mourn and weep'

Sin = anything (action, thought, belief, practice, habit, influence etc) that prevents you/another person from reaching your/their highest/divine Potential.

therefore, evil pulls us in the opposite direction of fulfilling our highest/divine Potential.

Through the gifts of the Holy Spirit, the Lord wishes to share His wisdom and understanding with us in order to counter the attacks of evil.
"A Christology that ignores Satan is crippled and will never understand the magnitude of redemption" - Fr. Gabriele Amorth, Chief Exorcist in Rome.
we are either being sabotaged or aware of being in a state of spiritual warfare and battling actively.

Now on to the 7 Capital/Deadly Sins

1. Gluttony
2. Lust
   
3. Avarice
4. Sloth/Despondency
5. Anger
6. Pride
7. Envy

and the 7 Contrary Virtues

1. Chastity
2. Temperance
   
3. Charity
4. Diligence
5. Patience
6. Contentment
7. Humility
   

Lust - Luxuria/Scheming - the opposite would be Chastity, Honesty, Congruence, Purity;
Gluttony - letting loose - the opposite virtue would be Temperance, Self control, Moderation;
Greed - the hoarding of wealth and resources - go for Charity instead;
Sloth - Acedia - not doing what should be done, either physically or spiritually out of laziness or disinterest or doing something else - Spiritual Diligence is the counterpart of sloth;

* in this respect, Boredom can be dangerous as it pushes us to do things which are fun but dangerous without knowing the difference!
it is even worse when a person's deep internal self worth is damaged.
contrast with if after doing a tedious task, you feel satisfied, that's Spiritual Diligence, the sense of accomplishment, of being able to complete a task and overcome drudgery. *

Wrath = internalized low self worth - it's addictive
Repeated abuse leads to putting the blame on someone else, keeping you from facing feelings of sadness and enabling them to avoid crying/showing vulnerability.
Internalized low self worth is balanced by finding external manifestations of worth by cultural/social standards i.e. you look fine, but inside you're not!

Pride/Vainglory=

Symptoms:

• stubborn urge for service and increased busyness to the point of being unable to say No even when overstretched;
• the increased irritability at the moral imperfections of others - resulting in condemnation and so-called 'justifiable anger';
• inconsistent drive and energy - praise drives the momentum of service - no praise, no service!
  
• increased confusion and suspicion when counsel is given
• naturally - increased politicking ... AND
• any good works done are not blessed by GOD!
  

Envy/Prejudice/Contempt - try this on for size instead : - Contentment/Kindness/Compassion

In the final analysis - we are to root sin out of our own hearts, and to become a witness to God to teach others not to sin.

***

My first thought after hearing all this was the immediate sensation of being caught in so many acts of wrongdoing - as if this list of 7 sins were booby traps and minefields placed by a God who demanded nothing less than survival by avoiding them.

but then i thought again - if we were to see these instead as the many varied ways in the which the Evil One can attack us and draw us away from the love of God, then it might be easier to be conscious of them and to ask for His grace in facing up to daily temptations. It is not that God created these, but that the absence of God in the presence of Evil has made them come about.

when we ponder more deeply on the depth of love our Creator has for us, it begins to make sense that sin is a rupture in the relationship we have with Him.
St Augustine put it so beautifully : "If you but love God you may do as you incline".